i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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