are you still at the devil's house?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
