Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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