he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
