Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
