I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
