just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Holy shit dude........stairs
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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