There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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