I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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