I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my sisters under your porch take her home
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
