You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
