Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
