He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
