i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
