Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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