In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
