Please don't use social media to get back at me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
