I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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