That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
