I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
