well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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