How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
