I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
