Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
