he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
