My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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