you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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