Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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