Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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