Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
