i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize