So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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