My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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