this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
