My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
