Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize