rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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