um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
