Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
