Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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