I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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