No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
