So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
smell my finger.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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