I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
