singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
