im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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