Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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