i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
