Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I am mentally ready for anal.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
