I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
