i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize