Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
