I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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