I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
