sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
