You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
