Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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