i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
