AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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