Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i believe in u and ur pee
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
