you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize