im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
