Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
