her vagine was all disorganized.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
