he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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