I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
