Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
