He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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