Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
