Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
